#57 of 365~The Eve of 31

As I sit and ponder the words which to write on this cold and dreary last night of February, I can't help but think that in a couple hours, I will be turning 31.  Yes, I survived 30 despite all my worries and not being able to see my life any further than that.  BUT, it was the shittiest year of my life.  30 started with surgeries and pain that no woman should ever have to endure, going back to school, seeing an end to something I put my heart and soul in, realizing that I have lived my entire life to please other people or gain their approval when they could care less how much I care for them, and lastly, if not the most traumatic, was losing my father only 17 years my senior.   There are times throughout this year that I just wanted to quit, to go back to my naive 20's and never know the experience of the deepest pains that come with growing older.  On the eve of my 30th birthday, I wrote a list of top 15 things I wanted to do that would make my life complete if I could just do them.  While a few were crossed off that list and I do feel a bit of regret for not completing them all, this years list is so much simpler.  The items are not experiences in which to live for, but living through each experience that the day gives me and adding that to the list of accomplishment of being 31.