#57 of 365~The Eve of 31

As I sit and ponder the words which to write on this cold and dreary last night of February, I can't help but think that in a couple hours, I will be turning 31.  Yes, I survived 30 despite all my worries and not being able to see my life any further than that.  BUT, it was the shittiest year of my life.  30 started with surgeries and pain that no woman should ever have to endure, going back to school, seeing an end to something I put my heart and soul in, realizing that I have lived my entire life to please other people or gain their approval when they could care less how much I care for them, and lastly, if not the most traumatic, was losing my father only 17 years my senior.   There are times throughout this year that I just wanted to quit, to go back to my naive 20's and never know the experience of the deepest pains that come with growing older.  On the eve of my 30th birthday, I wrote a list of top 15 things I wanted to do that would make my life complete if I could just do them.  While a few were crossed off that list and I do feel a bit of regret for not completing them all, this years list is so much simpler.  The items are not experiences in which to live for, but living through each experience that the day gives me and adding that to the list of accomplishment of being 31.

#56 of 365~Throwback Thursday, Cute Baby Alert

This weeks "throwback" pictures are of me as a babe with my G-Ma and Grandpa-who I'm quite fond of.  The picture of me smirking and thrusting out my double chin was taken on a trip through the "Rockies" where I slept in an apple box.  The picture below was taken at one of my Grandpa's woodcarving shows in Regency.  I can hear his voice now quietly telling me not to touch even though my chubby little hands are already reaching.  (actually, he was probably telling me the history of woodcarving)  Anyways, I LOVE these pictures because I was a pretty cute baby and I hope one day my little chubs will be just as adorable!

#53 of 365~Cinnamon Rolls

It's taken me ten years of marriage to get to this point: Baking Cinnamon Rolls.  But not just ANY cinnamon rolls, Nick's Grandma Mayo's cinnamon roll recipe.  I've watched for ten years as the Mayo men rip through batches of rolls with plenty of "tips" or "thoughts" about latest gooey mass without ever picking up a rolling pin themselves.  So, in honor of my brother-n-laws youth group fundraiser, I finally rolled up my sleeves and under the watchful eye of my mother-n-law, I made Cinnamon Rolls.

 The fundraiser turned out to be a monopoly themed event where bakery goods-my cinnamon rolls- were up for silent auction, family items for live auction, and kids from the youth group were up for sale.  We walked away with piano lessons, pumpkin bread, a set of Pyrex bowls, 3 kids afternoons, and time with our niece and nephew.  Oh yea, Nick paid $22 for my first pan of cinnamon rolls.....

#52 of 365~Weetzie Bat

They didn't even realize where they were living. They didn't care that Marilyn's prints were practically in their backyard at Graumann's; that you could buy tomahawks and plastic palm tree wallets at Farmer's Market, and the wildest, cheapest cheese and bean and hot dog and pastrami burritos at Oki Dogs...

[Weetzie] was a skinny girl with a bleach-blonde flat-top. Under the pink Harlequin sunglasses, strawberry lipstick, earrings dangling charms, and sugar-frosted eye shadow she was really almost beautiful. Sometimes she wore Levi's with white-suede fringe sewn down the legs and a feathered Indian headdress, sometimes old fifties' taffeta dresses covered with poetry written in glitter, or dresses made of kids' sheets printed with pink piglets or Disney characters.

The above are excerpts from my favorite childhood/adolescent book, "Dangerous Angels:The Weetzie Bat Books."  This book was literally my first defiance at the life that was going on around me.  The author, Francesca Lia Block, writes in magical poetic paragraphs that seem to "infuse my veins with glitter."  Even now as and adult, I am caught up in the fantastical world of Weetzie Bat living amongst the glamour and grit of Cali.  I'm also in love with her book, "Guarding the Moon." A written attempt at cataloguing her first magical year as a mother.  I owe Ms. Block my love for the written word and the ability to believe that I too will one day write magic that will "infuse the veins with glitter."

#48 of 365~How Can I Serve?

For the last 10 years, Nick and I have learned to served alongside each other overseas and here at home.  We've been encouraged to grow in our thought process of serving, expand all that we know of love, and that sometimes getting your hands dirty-isn't enough.  My heart has been broken a million times, I long for places and times that have already been, and I am tortured by the faces of those I've felt I've "left behind." For awhile now, I feel like I've had to take a break-been told to take a break and yet, my hands itch to get dirty, my eyes long to see new faces, and my heart beats to serve again.  

I have prayed many nights asking how to do this again without getting in over my head or giving myself so much to the "cause" that I forget my family, my friends, and myself.  Prayers range between crying in agony over the pain I feel for those directly down the street or across oceans.  Prayers always end with, "Papa-God, how can I serve them?"  His answer came in a way I would never have imagined. 

As everyone knows, I'm a Preschool teacher for a private school.  They recently asked if I would consider becoming the "Service Learning Coordinator" on top of teaching Preschool.  This would mean that I would work with a committee of individuals to create a program for all of our students ages 3 years old through twelfth grade and manage local and global service learning projects.  My heart leaped within my chest and I felt this weight lift from the weary shoulders it was placed upon.  Not only do I get to work here side by side with my students in our hometown-Omaha-but, I get to also work with overseas partners in creating a better global community of service learning, respect, and creativity. 

 THIS is how I can serve!

#46 of 365~Weekend Getaway

While we don't celebrate Valentines in the traditional wining and dining, flowers and chocolate way, we did spend the night with friends feasting on burgers, cherry pie, and other little goodies.  It was perfect send off to our weekend away.

A dear friend gave me an early birthday present in the form of a Valentines Getaway!  One night at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City, dinner for two, chocolates, and the beauty of nature helping us to focus on the "Strong Roots" that make us a couple.  It was wonderful and very much needed.

 Nick loved lounging in the log styled room-as you can tell. For me, I've always found the lodge to be this beautiful wealth of nature quotes that withstand the test of time.  Like this quote carved unto rock above a fireplace or banners depicting different types of trees found in the world, I find it all to be so lovely.

 Dinner was AMAZING!!!  We were treated to a sampler appetizer with seafood ravioli, pork something on pretzel bread-yuck, and this soft cheese spread that we devoured!  Our main dishes consisted of fillet and asparagus for Nick and a stuffed chicken dish for me.  However, the shining star of the night was the delish and super-rich chocolate cake with chocolate covered strawberries~YUM!!!

Our weekend ended with a brisk walk through the hazelnut fields and into the winter-dreary forest.  Even though it was chilly, it offered us a chance to snuggle up and walk close and quick.  In utter silence, we marveled at the twisting of tree branches, a hollow tree, the chattering squirrel, and the faint song of the bird that reminded us that spring was coming.

#41 of 365~Love Like Tim Fundraiser

This last weekend, family and friends joined together to put on one of the most successful events I've ever been apart of.  Hundreds came out to honor and remember my dad or if they never knew him, to support his wife and children.  It was a day of roller coaster emotions and one I will never forget.

 With a spaghetti feed, raffle, baked goods sale, silent auction, and a live DJ, a good time was had by all.  I personally was blessed to share this day with my family and friends.  A HUGE thank you goes out to everyone who made this fundraiser a success, you know who you are!!!

My BT Crew

The Thompsons, my dear friend Andrea and her man, The Werhly's, and our Minnesota crew

Our God-Children and my GMa

And lastly, this man right here-my dad's oldest friend-Scott.  He was my dad's friend when they lived in Buffalo and continued their friendship throughout every crazy thing life threw at them.  Some of my oldest and newest memories with my dad have Scott with them and he is a man I continue to treasure. 

#32 of 365~Men Tend Their "Field."

 Nick's lately been longing for a "culture of manhood" and to be honest, so have I!  He's been listening and taking part in several conversations about the lack of "men" in our society and discussing what it means to me a "Man." This means I get to hear about his excitement, commentary on the books he's reading, listening and taking part in some of the conversations as well.  What have I learned?  Manhood goes so much farther than the boardroom, bedroom, and ball field-it's doing the everyday life with those around you while tending your "field."

Field in Greek means-"Measured space."  Each man is given a measured space to protect, tend, and nurture.  This may be the family your given, the job you work in, and the friends/acquaintances who've made their way into your life.  It is a man's job to show others how to tend their "field" while tending his own.  Older men should be respected and in turn, willing to draw younger men to their side and help them lead a life of integrity.  Younger men should watch and learn from their elders while raising up boys and making it a priority to spend time with them showing how to build a culture of manhood.

So, the question becomes what does a Man look like?  Does it mean he has to grow a beard, chop a tree down, and drive a truck?  Bring in six figures, change diapers, and drive a sports car?  Well, in my book, a man is respected by everyone around him because he follows through with what he says, has strong belief's and lives them out, and finally, a man takes care of his elders, hugs widows, loves children, and is faithful in the small things.

(one of the manliest things I ever saw, homemade scaffolding made from trees)