First Deep Thoughts Of 2012

As we welcomed the new year on our knees in prayer surrounded by fellow believers, I was overwhelmed with a sense of awe and freedom. Awe of how the Father has orchestrated such an amazing life for Nick and I. We truly are blessed to walk this life together and continue to wake up amazed that we get to spend everyday for the rest of our lives together. Freedom because death has no hold on me. I KNOW where I'm going in the end and therefore it erases all fear or doubt. For once, I feel a sense of freedom to complete my mission without the what-ifs and fear unknown. 

There's so much we are able to accomplish when we give up complete control.

Today, this second day of 2012, has me asking, who am I to complain of anything ever again? I have seen time and time again grace, provision, and mercy that has been extended my way.  The stress I often take upon myself is completely unnecessary. Why worry when I supposedly have faith in the creator of the heavens and earth? I worry because it's this sick human condition I cannot shake. It's a condition that has me biting off nails, waking up all hours of the night, creating list's, and it's a condition I will take on no more. 

Throwing off the chains of worry so that I may live freely.

This morning I found myself thinking of the type of legacy I want to leave.  What will people say of me when I am gone? Who will cry tears of sadness verses tears of happiness when my name is mentioned? Will they remember me as a worry wort or someone who relished every moment of time given?  I do not know the answers to these questions nor am I going to worry about it.  I will however make sure that every person I love and come in contact with knows that each moment of 2012 is anticipated as the best and last moment of my awe-inspiring life.

"Life is pitiful, death so familiar, suffering and pain so common, yet I would not be anywhere else. Do not wish me out of this or in any way seek to get me out, for I will not be got out while this trial is on. These are my people, God has given them to me, and I will live or die for Him and His glory."

~Gladys Aylward