Mothers Day~What I Want You To Know

For some, Mother's Day is just another day or a holiday made up by the "card people" to make money. For some, it's a chance to lavish praise and gifts upon the woman who gave birth to you or for others, it's a day of mourning the mother they lost too soon or never really had. As I look back upon my life, I realize there were different stages to how I "celebrated" and there's a couple things I want you to know about Mother's Day.  In no particular order....

1.  Out of the entire year, it's one day to celebrate the woman you call mom.  Not necessarily the woman who gave birth to you, but the one who raised you. So many people have come into my life that have been adopted and this day can be hard for them because they celebrate the woman who raised them, but still want to honor the woman who gave birth and made the sacrifice to give them a better life.  The same goes for my friends who've adopted and while they are so excited to celebrate themselves, they also are thinking of the "other" woman. Mother's Day can be tricky like that.

2.  Mother's Day can be a day of mourning for those who've lost their mother too soon or those whose relationship is strained. This day can be met with hesitation and dread as they think about what this day means and they have no one to celebrate with. May I suggest we celebrate the woman who ARE in our lives and those who've taken us under their wing loving us through these difficult days?  Mother's Day can be for them too.

3. Not everyone who wants to celebrate Mother's Day can.  We want to, but infertility stands in our way or circumstances are not what we thought they would be at this point.  For the first 14 years of my marriage, I felt embarrassed, sad, shamed every time this day showed up. Shame is a multi-headed beast that rears mocking women on this day while we cry ourselves to sleep wishing we could be holding a child of our own. Mother's Day can be hard.

4. Being pregnant on Mother's Day can make one hesitant to celebrate the day.  Does pregnancy count?  Does the human in your belly make you a mother or only when it's born?  Does your baby daddy get you a gift?  Mother's day can be confusing.

5. When I celebrated Mother's Day for the first time, I didn't realize how emotional it would be! Little mama was 11 months old and slobbering kisses while waving her chubby little fingers to anyone who would look her direction. We wore matching shirts for an outdoor photo shoot. I bawled my eyes out when I was finally able to stand proudly with all the women at church when they honored us. The love bursting out of my heart for every woman in my life was overwhelming. Especially the little woman who was finally snuggled in my arms and not my dreams. My eyes were raw and red by the end of the night. Mother's Day can be emotionally exhausting.

6. No one told me the expectations that would come with this day. My husband and daughter were all I wanted to celebrate with and yet, I was to put aside my celebration to make sure we celebrated everyone else. I wanted gifts, flowers, cards, not to lift a finger, do whatever I want, I wanted it to be all about me. Who knew this day would be filled with me having to prepare everyone else's gifts, cards and experiences while driving all over town splitting our time into multiple visits? Also, my job as a mother did not stop on this day-I was still expected to get everyone ready and out the door, wash dishes, feed the dog, clean up the house, figure out what to eat, etc. etc. Mother's Day can feel selfish.

7. Dandelions, homemade creations, kisses on the cheek, last minute shopping trips, and pictures that you have no idea what they are, become some of the most special memories that will last a life time. My daughter's hand in mine, wide eyed with excitement, doing everything her little four-year old self could do to make this day a celebration of me-the "superhero" of her life. Mother's Day can be special.

No matter who you are or where you are this Mother's Day, the most important thing I want you to know is that I am thankful for you. You have influenced me in ways you will never know-even if I've known you my whole life or only a few months. Our lives were brought together for a purpose-to learn, grow, teach, to love. Know you are celebrated!

14 Weeks and Counting

The other day I was reminded that during my pregnancy with Eloise, we kept everyone up to date through our blog. So, I finally sat down to start Baby Mayo #2's intro to the world of oversharing.  I found a few of our original posts and took the same question to begin this journey. 

Welcome to week 14!

The doc said she loved my "heart-shaped uterus"

How are we feeling?

I have been pregnant a total of 4 times-this being my 5th.  Never have I ever been this sick during any of my pregnancies.  I am so thankful to have made it to the second trimester with this baby and don't take it for granted, but boy has it been rough! Not only am I dealing with food aversions, but this "morning" sickness is 24/7 and not slowing down like everyone said it would in this trimester.  So, I'm feeling a little low in moral due to feeling unwell all the time, but "big sister" Eloise has been nothing but a major help.  From getting me water, rubbing my tummy, and singing to me, she lifts my spirits with her kind heart and I look forward to seeing her hold our "miracle."

What's up with the bump?

While some articles say it's "too early" to feel the baby, this little person is moving!  I can feel the little one flipping around and it seems like their favorite spot is directly on top of my bladder. While I have actually lost weight during these last couple weeks, my belly has shifted and is starting to show a bit.

What crazy thing did we recently learn?

This last week as I went to my appointment-with a mask and gloves on due to the covid pandemic-I learned just how fragile this all feels.  Never did I imagine how different or influenced this pregnancy would be due to what is going on in the world today.  Everything is so different this time around, but one thing that stays the same is the overwhelming feeling of joy whenever I hear our babies heartbeat. It's strong and loud and beautiful. There was also several blood tests done and we will learn the gender by those test sooner than we did with Eloise!

Subject I'm not ready to think about?
Maternity clothes in the summer. Heat. High AC bills.

Big Daddy's Take:

"When does the barfing stop?"

We announced our pregnancy on St. Patricks Day

Our Story Continues

After 12 years of trying to get pregnant, spending thousands of dollars, seeing our miracle born, then experiencing the heartache of 3 losses, 2 failed adoptions, people wonder why would ever try again. Why would we put ourselves through endless medications, shots every night, uncomfortable procedures, when we weren't even guaranteed the IVF process would work?  Heck, we wondered this a time or two ourselves and the emotional rollercoaster took its toll. After changing OB's, hearing her heart for her patients and her encouragement towards growing our family, we knew we couldn't limit God and His plan for us.

We called the fertility specialist and needless to say, they were surprised and super excited that we were going to try again.  Our specialist and nurses have become an extended family rooting and praying for us. They have been supportive through everything and we have really grown together through this process of sharing one of life's mysteries.  We also called up our prayer warriors and they began petitioning the Heavens daily on our behalf. Sending texts, emails, making phone calls, stopping us in the halls of church to pray, with their love and support-we forged on and began the grueling process the Fall of 2019.

It was around Christmas time that two pivotal things happened. One, I had to have ankle surgery. While the procedure doesn't pertain to fertility issues, the medications would mix with the multiple meds I was already on.  So, ankle surgery happened with no pain meds and I had an entire month holed up in the house on the couch which put my womb and fertility into a "peaceful" state. Needless to say it paid off!  The second thing that happened was Eloise starting asking us why she "was alone" and why she didn't hve "siblings." We knew this conversation would come one day, but not during fertility treatments when our emotions were already shot! She began crying every day, asking us for a brother and sister. We were at a loss how to help a 4-year old understand the complexities of infertility and IVF when we were still learning body parts!  So, we told her to begin praying and asking God for a sibling.  We also told her that mommy and daddy needed help from doctors and we had the best helping us.

Why was the latter a pivotal moment for us?  We knew the disappointment of failed IVF and pregnancy, but wanted to shelter Eloise from that heartache. We knew we could choose in this moment to stop the process and we would save money, heartache, and peace of mind.  But we also knew this was our last chance. So, once again we forged on only this time, with Eloise's sweet voice leading us in prayer EVERY NIGHT.  As a family, our faith grew and never wavered. Nick became my med administrator and Eloise has held my hand through every shot knowing these meds "would help make a baby in mommy's tummy."

(This is what $4,000 worth of meds look like)

(These are future babies)

We found out in January that we had 3 healthy embryos’ and could implant 2 in February.  So, we implanted two and came out with one healthy little person creating havoc in my womb.  I was never sick with Eloise so it was surprise when I began barfing and feeling like crap 24/7.  Nick was amused when we found ourselves racing through Target to the bathrooms so I could puke.  Several of our adopted grandparents were also sending smiley emoji’s and couldn't hide the excitement at the thought of me being sick-supposedly having a yucky tummy is a sign of a healthy pregnancy (insert eye roll) It's been a month of down-right feeling crummy, but I secretly thank God for it every night!

As of now I go to my fertility specialist once a week to track the progress of the baby, but have yet to get any good pictures. The babe is pretty squirmy with its little nubs. We anticipated a lot of questions from Eloise when we told her about the baby, but she was like, "yea, I know!"  Her child-like faith had prepared her for this exciting time and she has taken on the role of BIG sister naturally.  Eloise enjoys watching the growth chart and announcing to everyone that "our baby is a blueberry!" or "our baby is pecan nut!" She also checks in with me-almost on the hour-to make sure the baby is feeling good and I often mistake the hugs she gives my tummy for me, when really they are for the baby. It's very sweet and it makes my heart burst with pride at the young lady we are raising. 

(Our timing was a little off when we told Eloise the news. She had just woken up)

Stay tuned for more updates about our growing family!