Turning 30...

My So Called Life: A Memoir On Turning 30

The day I've been dreading for all my life came and went without any cosmic intervention, crazy birthday shenanigans, or man-hole swallowing me up into the abyss. 30 is the age where I couldn't see my life after.  I had hoped that by the time 30 came, I would have experienced enough of life for it to not matter anymore, that I could live without regret because I would had accomplished all that I ever thought I could or wanted too.  The absurdity of this thinking caught up to me as 30 fast approached, and I can't help but to laugh as I even write this.

My birth-day, was packed right from the start.  Apparently my busy life has no such respect for things like a lazy day of celebrating your coming into this world.  I got up, sipped a cup of coffee, and contemplated if my days would now be highlighted by how many opportunities I would get in a year to wear jeans. (When did this become a highlight?)  My wonderful hubby left me a sweet note with $10 to grab "the girls" coffee on the way to work.  He said if I decided to "not be generous and keep it" for myself, he would "never know."  (Insert eye roll) Let's just say, "the girls" were taken care of.  At work, I was greeted with many hugs and shouts by my students and the opportunity to make pizza and eat cheesecake with them.  The two desserts they thought I should bring. I guess when your 30, you make your own birthday treats...sob. It happened to also be Faculty/Staff Appreciation Week at school so, we were treated to a super yummy lunch where I won a framed picture of a tree.  Kinda ironic, I know.  My life is always surrounded by trees, their roots system, and the birds that nest, grow, and take flight from.  

I took a half day to go to a doctor's appointment and spend some time with myself.  Maybe even pick up a little something for myself.  This was almost immediately met with extreme guilt.  As I walked around the crowded mall on a late Friday afternoon, I kept thinking of the cockamamie idea that not even two hours away on the Omaha Tribe's Reservation were hundreds of people without drinking water and here I was wasting money on a birthday present for myself. So, I went home and took a nap dreaming of children begging and old men already brittle and thirsty asking for a drink.

That night, I picked up my dear friend Angie and went to church.  Yes, I went to church on my "dirty thirty."  No shenanigans for me.  Just a calm, peaceful evening surrounded by 500 women getting REAL with themselves, God, and each other.  A chance to take inventory on my life.  As our pastors wife preached a wonderful message about transforming your mind and getting REAL, I couldn't help but think of the transformations that have already taken place in my life and the happiness of knowing who I am as I embark on this wonderful journey into my thirty's.  Life seemed to stand still for me in that room of women, which would be considered a nightmare for me in my past, and I realized that I was truly happy for the first time in my life.  Despite the general idea of where I thought I would be by 30 and the things I would have accomplished by now, I kinda let go of it all and appreciated the time I was in for once.  We left a little early as I had to work the next day, but spent 45 minutes in Angie's driveway talking like girls do.

As I drove home with the city lights flying past, I said a prayer of thanks to My Father in Heaven for seeing fit to make this life come true.  Tears began to form in my eyes as "THE SONG" played and I drove thinking of the life that's yet to come and I had to laugh. "I will wait, I will wait for you." Yes, I will wait for you oh life song, I will wait the rest of my years to rest in this moment of turning 30.